Here is something I wrote in April of 2008:
"I am wholly at ease. I do not fear death–in fact, anticipate it; am
not concerned nor afraid of the trouble that is occurring and which will
increase. Anyone who knows me in person thinks of me as down-to-earth,
laid back, mellow, polite and totally nonplussed–probably TOO laid back
and unconcerned with things that most people fret and struggle over.
[for sure, that’s what my mother-in-law thinks! :) ]
guess reading my blog, where I am addressing specific things with
various different levels and style of personalities kept in mind, it
could seem like I’m alarmed or worried or anxious. Trust that,
personally, I am not.
I DO naturally have protective
concerns about my family, my wife. While I am pretty much completely
detached from this world, in it but not of it, I don’t lord that
position over my loved ones, respecting their own unique levels,
inclinations etc. Teaching by example helps a lot; for instance when we
were about to lose everything and in an impossible situation after
being hit by a criminal who stole a lot . . . . and I would leave for
work, same as always every day, unperturbed, not worried, relaxed; my
wife would stare at me through tears saying, “how can you be so
relaxed?” Which I was; even though it truly was, if you were looking at
it through worldly eyes, just a horrible, devastating situation.
I’m not uptight myself, or worried about things. I’m just writing and
talking, thinking out loud. Also, I know that not everyone is in the
same space, and so I write on several different levels. The Lord told
me to write and talk and get people prepared who maybe weren’t so
much……so that is what I’m doing. Some people are meant to be shaken
awake through a little shock therapy.
One thing that
does overshadow some of my impetus is that I KNOW that things are going
to get really, really rough. Ok, I will say that it’s my BELIEF . . .
but actually, personally, I have no doubt. I’ve been shown it and see
it in clear, vivid rendition in my mind, what eventually it is going to
be like. Many who think they are prepared (psychologically,
spiritually) right now, smug even, are going to fall to pieces when it
really hits the fan. Many are in a false state of confidence in their
ability to deal with it. Many, especially in the U.S. have no idea what
it will really be like, as they have been coddled, spoiled, protected
from much that has been common daily survival in other lands. The
bravado is going to sail right out the window when the truncheons
arrive, I’m sorry to say.
SO, knowing this, I am just
doing a little NOW, while it is still yet fairly mild, to brace the
mind, firm the body, steel the spirit, so as to be a little better
prepared for that time. I get charges of “fear-mongering”, or “doom and
glooming”, or obsessing on tribulation scenarios sometimes.
I don’t really, in my day to day, moment to moment life. No, I laugh
and cook and joke around with my boys and wife and watch The Office and
sing and play . . . . .
I am just led to broach certain
matters, that, while not NOW seeming to be too relevant or imminent . .
. I know someday WILL be, and so, in the meantime, I have to write and
say something about what’s going on; how dire and devious it truly is,
if one is not fully apprising the situation . . . which many aren’t;
though they THINK they are . . . which is my point re the “mindblanket”,
“mindfence” etc. It can easily be slammed as being presumptuous on my
part, but I believe I know better in some instances what someone needs
to hear, than they do themselves, because of what I know is coming later
to them. It’s really no different than how, as a parent, one teaches
hard lessons and sometimes tough love, knowing that it is in the child’s
longterm interests, which they don’t maybe appreciate yet. If I’m
wrong, sorry. I am doing the best I can with the information given and
relying on the same Direction and inspiration–from God, which I’ve tried
to follow all along the way–no different now.
I DO think, why bother? I am wholly satisfied and comfortable within
myself, my own progress, though always striving for more and knowing
that it is all only due to God’s grace and mercy, any ground gained
spiritually. Speaking publicly, shining a light, trying to relate to a
wide variety of different personalities (readers/listeners) who have
unique backgrounds–some quite legalistic, a few more new agey, some
Catholic, some “born-again” . . . all contending and finding issues with
which to pick, as my own background has run the wide field of
experiences and philosophies . . . . Why put oneself out to be publicly targeted, infiltrated, hacked, etc.? There is really
nothing to be personally gained, and mostly just danger and exposure to
result. It would be very easy to disappear, just prepare oneself and
one’s immediate family, and forget about strangers and loose internet
acquaintances . . . .
But, for me, I consider all as
part of a family, and so, to be cared for, warned and loved. And, the
Lord specifically directed me to do certain things, and they had to do
with outreach; so I’m just following orders, trying to please Him. And,
I have a simply, genuine concern for people; what’s going to happen,
the trials and suffering I know are coming and in many cases, already
here; and anything little thing (and I know it IS little) I could do to
help along the way, even if it’s just talking about it . . . . that much
I will do. I hope to do more, God willing; provision, safe haven,
healing, protection . . . has been in my heart to do since a child, when
pondering these times . . . . ."
April 11, 2008