Thanks to the three of you who responded--it has put me on the road to being able to pull this off--a ways to go yet, but so appreciative! I notice it happens to be "radiothon" season where the local community radio station does their annual spring pleas for funding. . . . It's kind of a funny thing to my son Alexander and I that we discovered a couple years ago that we both have an odd fancy for "radiothon" time. As in, we both like to especially listen to that station when they are doing their fundraisers. We don't know why. The banter . . . it means spring is here . . . there is a hectic energy . . . they tell stories, goofy jokes . . . and usually play extra good music--I dunno . . . it's a funny (to us) odd guilty pleasure, heh. . . .
As far as the music venture--I wish I could adequately describe what it's like being regenerate compared to when I wasn't and pursuing it in the past. I am having one of the more profound spiritual experiences going through this now which is clarifying, encouraging, faith-promoting, and gestating a sense of gratefulness like never before. Also, the goodness of God, His very personal love and attention to the individual (in this case me) is so incredible. I know whatever He does, it will always be for the best and "work to the good".
Much of what I am Seeing, experiencing, feeling, knowing . . . is beyond words to describe at this point . . . but in basic form I could say this much. Back in the day, before I was born again and saw and knew the Truth . . . whenever I would venture into the creative and business side of "the music biz" . . . there was an obvious "helper" waiting there, prompting, tempting me to allow him to take control and guide the course of the efforts. I was always struggling against this, yet would indeed allow it/him to "inspire" and draw me along at times. I recognized the supernatural elements to it; he/they/it would give a heads-up on things, set up "serendipitous" meetings and contacts. I could see that if I were to fully accede and "go with it" it could and would "take me places." There is indeed a sort of "crossroads" where the tempter is waiting . . . and should you allow yourself to be seduced by the promises and visions . . . he did have ways to help you "make it." [I would also like to note that this "crossroads" scenario is not limited to the "music biz". It's everywhere . . . and I am chagrined to a degree when certain types of people, in other professions, including religious ones, sanctimoniously condemn rock'n'rollers for being in the devil's business . . . when it's clear to me that the devil is in ALL kinds of business, and that there is the "crossroad" temptation in any line of profession, where one is confronted with the choice to "sell out" to "get ahead". No doubt, many CEO's, businessmen, "pastors" even . . . have crossed that line to get where they wanted--not just the odd rock'n'roller.]
But I always pulled back and would never dive in fully to his agenda. I could see the fame and fortune lying there in wait to be had, but I had decided from an early age I wasn't going to "lose my soul to gain the world".
So, I was battered there . . . standing at the crossroads, dipping my toe in but always backing off, committed neither way. A lot of artisitic, angst-ridden, deep, almost journalistic creative material (songs, lyrics, poetry, painting etc.) derives from this place . . . but if you stay there too long, the forces are so strong that you will be crushed and tossed aside. Beaten and limping, I always returned back to seeking God, thanks to God, and He finally, in His due course, rescued me.
This time, however, is totally different. There is, yes, also a momentum, a sense of the "wind at your back", and also perfectly timed fortuitous meetings, contacts . . . but it's plainly no longer coming from the dark side. God is in it. The temptations are gone, or so weak as to be negligible; light surrounds instead of increasing murky gravitating darkness. . . . A fine, healthy detatchedness is there instead of that compelling desperateness (to "make it"). . . so that, while I would be normally disappointed if it falls apart or simply doesn't go anywhere . . . I won't miss a beat spiritually, emotionally, mentally. Chaotic, destructive events in the world, in our country etc., could make this effort moot. . . . But I am no longer personally, egotistically invested in it to any degree that would make it matter much if doesn't work out. It feels and looks like it is just happening, but in a positive, Godly way, instead of the dark kind of "just happening" that use to occur and try to pull me in, in the past. . . .
Just thought I'd mention all this as I find it (pleasantly) surprising and fascinating . . . the difference between doing something creative and ambitious like this as a born again, Bible believing follower of Jesus . . . versus as a lost, prodigal follower of self and darkness. . . .
[For any who might not know the general mythology of "the crossroads", especially as thought of in the music business, here is a snippet from wikipedia:
"In Western folk mythology, a crossroads can be used to summon a demon
in order to broker a supernatural deal. This legend can be seen in many
stories. For example, in 1926's Faust, the title character summons the demon Mephistopheles at a crossroads. In the U.S. television show Supernatural, crossroads demons are a recurring plot device.
Some 20th-century blues songs, such as Sold It to the Devil
by Black Spider Dumpling (John D. Twitty), may be about making a deal
with the devil at the crossroads. Many modern listeners believe that the
premier song about soul-selling at a crossroads is "Cross Road Blues" by Robert Johnson. However, the song's lyrics merely describe a man trying to hitchhike;
the sense of foreboding has been interpreted as the singer's
apprehension of finding himself, a young black man in the 1920s deep
south, alone after dark and at the mercy of passing motorists.
The idea of selling one's soul for instrumental skills predates the
American South as several virtuoso classical musicians such as Paganini
had stories told about selling their soul for music prowess (and that
story may reference back to medieval troubadour doing something
similar). The motif of selling one's soul for guitar power has become a
staple of both rock and metal guitarists."