A couple of topics have come to me to address . . . which I will get to next. In the meantime, I want to emphasize that it is the devil's business to make you feel so dirty, so rotten, so worthless . . . that you assume and believe God has given up on you. Further, you don't even get that far, because the effort is to so stymie you and darken and defuse your efforts toward Him that you don't even bother. Your mind is flooded or kept stewing on and off about the wretched, disgusting, deplorable things you've done and thought in your life--your worthlessness, dirtiness . . . so much that you are to think that God would have nothing more to do with you. Surely you have gone too far, done too much, thought and felt such despicable things that maybe it is better that you are just destroyed altogether.
This is what the enemy wants you to think.
You must refuse to allow this.
Putting the blaspheming of the Holy Spirit aside, which is a very specific instance and sin, it does not matter what you have done or thought or tried to do. The worst of sexual sins, violent sins, idolatrous sins, sins of betrayal and deception, leading others astray, sins done to the innocent--none of them are enough to keep you from the love of God. You can't out-sin God's grace, love and mercy! Do not believe the lie or suggestion that you can or that you have. This is just another trick from the Trickster, Liar himself to dissuade you and stifle and cover you and restrain you from obtaining God's mercy and protection and blessings.
Here is one of the evil one's chief objectives--to so sully your mind, heart, conscience, body with sin that you turn from God and go willingly into your own further destruction'; and to prevent you from being an effective worker, soldier and witness in God's work here on earth at this time. . . .
Do not allow yourself to become a trophy for the evil one--a defeated and dejected Child of God. Much of what is holding you back is simply the thought-cages and inner energy and light drains that you keep up through acceding to these defeatist thoughts.
By falling for the lie and believing that you are too dirty or wasted to receive God's grace, you are now, in addition, calling God a liar and a weakling. You are saying the enemy wins and won.
May it never be! The first step here in escaping this prison of degenerate self-loathing (which is really a disguise for loathing God's power and sovereignty) is in refusing to accept that you are too far gone for God to rescue or care about. These are lies from the supreme liar whose whole method and weaponry is based in deception.
The truth sets free; so first of all . . . recall and keep present in the mind THE TRUTH that God's power and grace saves the worst of the worst of sinners--even you!